Pro-Wrestling Tom Zenk Page Pro-Wrestling Tom Zenk Page
Last updated 3 July 2004
A one-syringe salute for VKM.....
[ Picture of the single can of Budweiser in the middle of the ring from Vince's salute to Austin ]
[ Picture of a syringe in the middle of the ring ]
Looks to me that Super Vince has become a bit of a limp dick in his old age. I’m not talking steroid-induced shrivelled cojones from all those years of taking legal steroids for announcing. I’m talking serious senile detumescence. I’m talking putting the ‘F’ back into FLACCID. In short, Vinnny can’t get it up no more, after the XFL fiasco and all the ridicule heaped on him by the national media.
HHH, Steph and Gnash, seem to be running things to suit themselves. If a guy happens to get a little steam, looks good, they beat him right away. So where’s VKM and the formula these days? Maybe he needs an asskicker. Nah! You could never get inside the inner circle of phoneys, lackeys and ass lickers VKM employs just to tell him how great he is. Disappointed old men who get their kicks from playing fuck with younger guys.
Vinny’s as old and tired and played-out as his old-man (Vince senior) was, back when Vince and Linda grabbed the company off him. He’s so old he's lost touch with his young audience altogether. The Y Generation bailed long ago. 35% have stopped watching Smackdown and another 19% stopped watching RAW this year (Neilsen). That leaves most of Vince’s audience clustered in the X and old baby boomer generations (just like the dying days of the WCW).
The problem is, if Vinny keeps catering to his current aged audience (with Hogan, Flair, NWO, Heartbreak Kid, Bischoff, etc), the Y-Gen will bail in even bigger numbers. But, if he doesn’t use the old whore-horses, where’s his star power gonna come from? They’ve trashed the WWE mid card. There’s no WCW or ECW to poach from. And remember how he trashed WCW/ECW through 2001.
That leaves Vinny with established stars on their last knees (HHH, Taker, Austin, etc), a trivialized, goofy mid card, and development workers too green to carry the show.
Rock bottom
The only way I can see things go from here is for WWE to hit rock
bottom - like WWE stock which this week was trading at new lows
around $8.90. Let it run it's course Let HHH, Big Steph, Shane and
the rest compete with each other for control of the show. Vince
can't take a trick.... name one recent success for WWE? They have
no competition. No ratings that show interest. No obvious star
power. It's time for Vinny to turn over the reins and bow out with
what remains of his reputation intact. The kids can't do much worse
and at least they’ll get in a little training before Vinny and Linda
drop off the twig.
[ Picture of a syringe in the middle of the ring ]
"roll another fatty to shoot up the pimp daddy"
And when the time comes – and it can’t be long - I think we should give VKM a one-syringe salute, maybe a hotshot? Like the 1 can salute he gave Stone Cold. So load it up for Vinnie the Pooh... Doctor Z. says a full 3cc's, don't waste the needle, use the whole barrel. Fill it to the brim. Leave him with the only business interest he’s up to with all the young "sweet cheeks" on the shows, a little monkey business!! Hey, who knows - the shot plus a little Viagra could finally put a little lead in his pencil, give him a boost, the youth cocktail.So roll another big fatty to shoot up the pimp daddy...pimpin' and getting wood ain't easy at 60.
Failing that, I suggest Vinny borrow some motion lotion from Jericho or have Gnash get some special lotion for the young chicks Vinny mauls on TV (all the time). Gnash has sympathy and TIME (plenty of it), while Vince has the BILLIONS, right? Gnash was a skirt chaser, DDP's a chick magnet, with that golden tongue, pearly white smile, sympathy too.. Hey, maybe even call up ATM Eric? He gave away free money and likes to watch. Yeah ... all the COOL guys hanging together, the best of the best, talking about saving WWE...... the past is the past, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, RIGHT? or.... How do you beat a fool? Become a fool yourself!! Oops you already are. I just love that Vinny. Guess who’s laughing now, besides Ted Turner?
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So VKM and his master plan of sending the NWO south to Turnerworld
followed by the lethal “hotshot” at the "shoo-in gallery" really
worked after all.
VKM sure had us fooled with that Aussie interview -"when you cross
that line that's not good. Eric Bischoff crossed that line". This
week the VP from Turnerworld signed on the dotted line at
Wackeyworld. Followed by a final nutshot for the ole south - the
"F" flair kicked out of WWF and Easy "E" eased into WWE - as arch
rival to Crips/ Stephanie McMoron. Gee I wonder who'll win.
On the positive side, Bischoff’s move to WWE is the ultimate triumph for VKM (read, the final humiliation of Eric Bischoff). In effect, Bischoff lost any claim to 'the greatest angle in the history of wrestling” when he bought into NWo's current humiliating demise on WWE.
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As pedicted here, Nash has decided to take a little more time off. Altogether Big Lazy will be averaging about 5 matches a year by the time he comes back from his current injury. Good con if you can get it.! And just look how easy Gnash got injured for 750,000.00 per year. That's even a better con than Turner cash. And I thought Vince was smarter? Perhaps the dosage is too high for a 43 year old? Some guys are slow learners. Some never learn ... ask HHH!! The frequent injuries today may well result from sky high dosages of low grade stuff from Mexico, HGH or simply the pressure to be huge, keep your spot and stay on top. That means more injured ‘top’ talent still to come this year. Recommended reading - Sports Illustrated article on steroids - June 3, 2002, volume 96, no 23 page 34-48.
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Meltzer nails the big southern lie.....
Sometimes history takes a while to get written. Last week Meltzer
etched a little part of WCW hitory in stone …. The big lie -
propagated by Dusty, Watts, Anderson, Bischoff, Nash and all the
rest of the dumb fucks who killed the best chance wrestling ever had
under Ted Turner. The big lie - that “it was the Turner suits that
killled WCW” ……
Meltzer – “It wasn't company structure that killed WCW, it was people who lucked into success by having the right combination of talent and gimmick, but not the right wrestling acumen to keep it going. And luck ran out and they didn't have the long-term vision or skill to keep it going……I strongly disagree that nobody could have succeeded in WCW because of company structure. It would have been a terrible pain to deal with, but …. their [the bookers and wreswtling execs] mistake.. was.. they were mortgaging their future when they were at their most successful by NOT MAKING NEW STARS. Sound familiar? ….. Instead of recycling mediocre talent, some day a wrestling executive will get past the friends and neighbors for hire routine and look for the best quality talent, both in and out of the ring. ……"
How else can you explain Dustin Rhodes, Erik Watts, DDP, David Flair and most of WCW’s pushed ‘talent’.
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VKM – “I am not a mobster.”
FLASHBACK 3/3/92 – “The World Wrestling Federation achieved another
first in family-oriented sports entertainment when a local police
dog and plain clothes narcs screened the bags of all wrestlers as
they filed through the stage entrance for a February 14 show at the
St. Louis Arena. The search came up empty after word of the raid
reportedly leaked to the WWF through building management. The vice
cops denied any connection to a possible federal Drug Enforcement
Administration investigation, which has been much speculated upon
following last summer’s conviction of WWF steroid wholesaler Dr.
George Zahorian; they said they were simply acting on an isolated
tip about a particular wrestler and cocaine. ..... this may help to
explain McMahon’s testiness when, on February 13, he telephoned
ex-National editor Frank Deford to complain about an ESPN radio
commentary three days earlier in which Deford urged Hulk Hogan to
come clean about steroid and cocaine abuse. According to Deford,
McMahon screamed, “I have proof I’m not a mobster!” – even though
Deford had never even broached the subject. Shades of Richard Nixon
and “Governor Evidence.””
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Wanted ...
Wanted 1 – copies of police reports on the Vince McMahon/Kevin
Wacholz ‘mutual combat’ charges in Green Bay, 1994. Contact us here
Wanted 2 – Ronald H Sutherland formerly of the Powerhouse Gym in Augusta, GA or anyone who knows his whereabouts please contact us here clearances for my book
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Your feedback .......
Yo Z-man, What's up ? Great column this week. I was literally
laughing my ass off from beginning to end. Can't wait for your book
to come out. I am sure it will be a must read. Your book and the
upcoming Sex, Lies, Headlocks, and videotape are two books I will
definitely purchase. Later.
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Why the fuck are you making fun of the game hhh. He’s awesome.ur so stupid lets see you take a huge shot with a chair to the elbow. hes not doin it on purpose he has an injury and hes goin to fix it stupid i stand up for trips not crips he is the game not the lame game u piece of shit
Tom Zenk replies ..... “Can you lift a chair? I'll take the shot, but it will cost you HHH's nightly salary? Cash talks B.S. walks. Z-Man”
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Just a few things on my mind....."boy are u bitter. just because u didnt make it in wrestling as far as u wanted to, u r gonna continue badmouthing everyone in the business until finally its all gone and u can say i told ya so."
That was my first impression of u a few weeks ago when I started reading your column. Only problem is I agree with a lot of what u have said since then. Anyway these r my 10 thoughts:
1. WWE is a business and u tell me one business that doesn’t have
"employee drama". I work in a well respected restaurant and I can’t
even begin the tales I could weave. So the WWE has drama backstage,
so what. u r just perpetuating gossip.
2. JR.... PLEASE GIVE RVD HIS PROPS IN YOUR REPORT WITHOUT
IMMEDIATELY KILLING WHATEVER CREDIT U JUST GAVE HIM BY WARNING OF AN
INJURY!!!!!! he was TV champ for 2 years doing matches that the so
called pros wouldn’t think of doing. let the best be the best
without your pessimistic forewarnings.
3. I think Mr. Zenk (and a lot of fans) has a hard time separating
wrestlers from their character. HHH ruled for more than a year. he
beat Kane, rock, big show and two others I cant remember at the
moment, in one night on smackdown. that is his character and if u
look at his characters history, he does not suck. tho he may still
be a dick backstage....
4. List of those who would be fired (or just permanently off air) if
I owned the WWE: Taker, Hardys, ALL WOMEN (more on this later),
Dudleys (all of em), Big Show, Rock, HHH, Hogan (tho I will always
love him), APA. These characters have run their course and can
impress me no longer.
5. Peeps I would push: Team Canada (adding Y2J, edge), RVD, Rhyno,
Awesome, Jindrak, Ohaire, Kanyon, Angle (as a face), and all
cruiserweights.
6. Women wrestling hurts the credibility of the sport. They really,
truly sukk.
7. These tuff enuff kids are hurting the sport. They really, truly
sukk. ok except nidia, i want her.
8. Am I the only one who loves Steph?
9. I am seriously interested what Mr. Zenk would do if he were
handed the WWE. Who would reign supreme? Who would write?
10. other stuff: wrestling always sukks at the beginning of each
decade. dont ask me why... hey vince: absolute power corrupts
absolutely (its true, its true)....admit defeat and end the roster
split. it sukks storyline-wise from how it happened to Benoit being
on Raw....i really would marry Steph. i met her. she loves me....Tag
Teams. where for art thou, Tag Teams? and managers too for crying
out loud. kids today dont kno what managers like Heenan, Hart,
Albano did for their guys. they equate managers to sexy
females....new roster split: WWE (heavyweights and tag teams) and
WCW (world cruiserweight wrestling). i love it.
Tom Zenk replies - "Hey man....... have you sent the 10 ten wishes to WWE? Well.....get going.I think we all love wrestling, let's just c some of it. Rock on man"
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HHH works as hard as anyone in the business, and if Tom knew about wrestling, he would know that sometimes injuries happen and they can't be avoided. At least HHH tries to wrestle through them and give the fans their money's worth. Wrestling is a lot different now from the days when you held a reverse chin locks for 20 minutes and won a match with a powerslam. They actually fight these days [!!!!] and injuries happen, so get out of his ass...
Tom Zenk replies … "So I guess you mean HHH is fragile. Maybe ballet is a better choice for him...... The rest holds you so cleverly mention. Well, the chin lock is actually from the 60-70's. Please show me the tape of a 20 minute chin lock in one of my matches. The truth doesn't lie..... They actually fight these days? How long would your boy HHH last in a fight if Pro wrestling was a shoot? One minute perhaps?"
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Well Z-Man, I've enjoyed your jabs on "Crips" so much, I figure, why not let the idiots who actually cheer for him (oh wait...two-thirds of those idiots think matches aren't pre-determined) read what real people that aren't as "in" on the business as you are. Reading several of the "fans" responses in your most recent post to the Triple Gay ordeal, I'd like to leave some feedback.
To answer the ridiculous questions I read by several readers...
“Why does "Crips" get the huge pop from the fans if he sucks?”
Simple...because if Vince pushes someone down your throat long enough you'll go for it. And after the whole force of fame, we still have the immortal Austin example. If you do enough stupid ass things in the ring, the majority of the fans will go for it. Austin blew and everyone knows it. He could do three things (drink beer, swear, and flip people off), and none of them involved wrestling.
And like [whatever the hell Chyna's real name is] said, "Crips" has to play kiss-ass 24/7 now, because Stephanie is his whole career right now. Without her, "Crips" is definitely out of the spotlight, and probably out the job, where Scott Hall is and where Kevin Nash will be in the next month.
Keep dishing the insults on Triple Gay...PLEASE...I beg you. You sound exact-ally like me when I talk to my friends about this moron.
-A fan of the Z
P.S. - I love the response you gave to the lamme message by that fool fan. Classic.
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HEY TOM ZENK!!! Say all that you want about Triple H but he IS THE GAME. No one was able to carry the company when Austin and taker were out and the Rock was still developing into a mega star. Triple H has sacrificed everything for this business. Would you, or Austin or Rock or Taker lose to VKM only a few weeks after winning your first wwf title. He took every angle and ran with it. He went to the top of the wwf as a heel, something that almost no one has been able to do. He was and i predict will once again be the greatest heel since Ric Flair. Would you job the title to a 60 year old Hulk Hogan?
You've got allot of nerve dissing him. I agree that he may have come back somewhat prematurely but he had to. I agree that he sucks as a babyface, but that's only b/c he was such a great heel. Neither the Rock, Austin or Taker have even gotten the heel heat that HHH has gotten. We all know that it is much easier to be a face than it is to be a heel (ex. Billy Gunn can even get a pop but drew absolutely no heat even after winning the royal rumble.) We always hear about the Nashes and Austin's of the world who don't want to work certain programs and don't want to work certain dates. After Triple H became wwf champ for the first time he was used and abused and headlined every single ppv.
You seem to have a personal grudge against triple h. Are you jealous of his fame. He's not were he is today b/c he's dating the bosses daughter. Granted he doesn't have the ability to take over a show like Austin or Rock did, but he is an incredible performer.
You know, Bret Hart wouldn't drop the wwf title in his home town.
Stone cold walked out on the wwe
The Rock has sold out to Hollywood
The Undertake and HHH, the two guys that you love to dis, are working with injuries and everything else against them. Think what you want but even though HHH is dating the bosses daughter he puts the business first. He's not Shawn Michael and he's not Kevin Nash.
When i meet Triple H in person at the restaurant in Times Square the day after his return to MSG, me and everyone else saw a guy who is completely dedicated to this business. He was humble and respectful. Something that you obvisouly are not!!!
P.S. It's easy for you and all these other internet know it alls to criticize the wwe and there wrestlers for the poor quality programming lately. You know, movie critics are the same. BUT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU WRITE SOME STORYLINES THAT ARE SUCCESSFUL. Criticizing is the easiest thing in the world to do. BUT LET'S SEE YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.Let's so the Great Tom Zenk write some storylines for the wwe or the nwa and let see if the fans would enjoy them.I challenge Tom Zenk to come up with one storyline or program and submit it on all the websites to see if the fans would respond to it positively.
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Your column is total garbage, it is nothing but the ranting of an extremely jealous person. You aren't even a has-been because you never were. You were a midcarder at best whose biggest claim to fame was jerking the curtain at wrestlemania 3 (and that was 15 years ago!). Now I am not a big triple H fan (i liked him better as a heel) but he has done more than you ever did. How many ppv's did you main event? You said coming back from his injury he was half the man he used to be, and he wasn't much to begin with Then what were you? You didn't accomplish too much. Another thing is you think he is where he is because of "Big Steph" but before they drove away viewers with the invasion angle, he was a big draw and you don't get ratings because of what goes on backstage. If you knew so much maybe you maybe you would be working for the WWF.
Another thing you mentioned in your column was Scott Hall's comments about holding people back. He has the right attitude, why should he give up his spot? If they are good enough they would take it. The cream always rises. You were a good wrestler, not great but good. The thing is you lacked the mic skills and charisma to get any further than you did. So you should never complain about people being held back.
One last thing, who came up with your gimmick? The "Z-man" WOW is that creative. Let me get this straight your last name is Zenk. So your the Z-man. I would've never thought of that one.
Put this message in your column and respond to it.
Tom Zenk replies – “Hey dumb fuck, Loved you comments - "Your column is total garbage." You got it. Hence the name "garbage man Zenk".
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Z-Man, I've been reading you for a while, and I couldn't agree more with the comments you make. I am getting tired of seeing Cripple H come to the ring and generate the same shitty ass moves ... Ok, here’s my opinions on Raw this week.
I think that Trish probably cuts the worst promos and wrestles worst in the company. Someone sign her to a playboy deal and get her ass off of wrestling TV. ....
For the Love of God, will someone tell VKM that the roster split is ridiculous. It makes me mad because I dont get UPN with my cable subscription so I dont see talent like Storm, Edge, and the Rock.
Another thing.. someone please tell heels to start making the crowd hate them more. I dont think the NWO is gonna get the heel heat when they parade to the ring and the fans cheer them and they wave to the fans and acknowledge the support. A true heel, like William Regal or Kurt Angle know that to get TOP HEEL status, you must acknowledge fans hatred. When the fans started cheering "Eddie Sucks!" Eddie has to do more than just keep wrestling. He has to tell the fans to shove it, or something to get the people to boo him more. I think Eddie is one of the best talents the WWE has going for them, and to push him as a TOP HEEL would be awesome.
I think my complaining is pointless, along with everyone elses. I agree with the person that wrote in that WWE management must be reading the newsboards. They are all about shocking us. Instead of giving a deserving wrestler a victory, they bring in a shocking surprise. I thought for sure that Lesnar wasnt gonna win the KOTR because of managements ridiculous "last minute" surprises.
WOULD SOMEONE STICK A RAG IN JR'S MOUTH. I HATE HEARING HIM TALK. HE IS SO BIASED AND SUCH A CORPORATE KISS ASS, HE MAKES ME SICK. Ok, thats all Z-Man, keep up the columns. I cant wait for the next one.
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Bro, Great Shit. Love all the truth that you bring out from the WW"E" locker room. Can you do me a favor and give some of your thoughts on The Heart Break Kid Shawn Micheals. Z-man Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading and buying your book as soon as it comes out.
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Hey, Tom
Hello! My name is Jeff Landis, and I read your column for
wrestlezone.com Its great how ur saying how u feel about the
business, No I'm not a internet mark either, I do wrestle for Indys
around Indiana, under the name HotStuff Jeff Landis, I have to
disagree about what u say about My Role model
Triple H, he works his ass off for his true fans and people who
might not like him, you but I think that ur jealous of his success
that he has, and what u don't have. don't get me wrong Pillman had
to put u over in WCW
like I said I'm innocent as I Look Please burn on me ur colum Thanks
Jeffery Wayne Landis
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Well it's good to see Tom Zenk has his new column up it's been a few weeks at first. i thought the WWE sued him for bashing the company or something LOL... i won't bash Tom Zenk though i actually like his columns. Anything with a little controversy I will read it. Now listen people, stop bashing Tom Zenk for a minute and understand one thing. I think he has the right to feast on sour grapes just like anyone else who's been held down their entire career.. I don't blame Zenk for putting down Triple H. Have you seen him perfom lately? The guy is horrible. He has 6 moves and he still gets pops. I scratch my head and wonder why a guy who at one time was a Greenwhich snob all of a sudden is a ultimate bad ass. He looks like a Roided up Pelican...
Personally i am not to impressed with Brock Lesnar who like the love child of Sid Vicious & Goldberg .. no mobility ,no charisma , bad timing, so that means he will be the next WWE Champion hey look back to late 1994 Nash won the WWE Title with the same traits as Lesnar at the time. With Lesnar representing the...company will be going down to hell in a handbasket.
Now to The Rock.... for him to come out on Raw and cut a ridiculous promo of how who doesn't want to be in the WWE get the F out !!!!!!! and especially cutting a promo on Steve Austin was uncalled for. Steve Austin was a guy who feuded with the Rock in late 1997 basically made him who he is today and The Rock just bashes Austin for no reason. Here's my Question for ther Rock - where have you been since April where the ratings began to sink worse then the Titanic? Company Man huh? ..Steve Austin was smart leaving the WWE ..Why would you want stay in a sinking ship anyway... The Book of Austin is Finally Written it's been Written for some time now it took this incident for people to realize it, i personally don't want Steve Williams to come back or else Vince Mcmahon will probably screw him in Texas one day just like Vince screwed Bret in Montreal... Thank God my family covinced me not to become a Pro Wrestler. I wouldn't want to deal with the devil in Vince McMahon.